Saturday 12 June 2010

The tale takes a curious twist...

Yer know, that weren’t the end o’ that story… now I’ve ‘ad a few rums and naps for the best part of a week or so, I’ll tell the rest… Now where was I…?

Oh aye… so I floated by the shores of Erebos in this barrel (that was rapidly becomin’ more like pieces o’ barrel) when I ‘eard a voice shoutin’ me name. Assumed it were lost spirits at sea, callin’ me to me death, but it weren’t… it were miss Linwe. She soon ‘ad me dragged out onto dry land again.

So, havin’ been salted an’ battered and suff’rin’ some strange affliction o’ the gut (o’ which I’ll avoid the detail), I spent a few days recoverin’ on me back in’t stables an’ tryin’ ta get back ta me songs. Or I would ‘ave done, except me mind kept getting’ distracted by these whisperin’s on the wind. Not ta mention the wind me belly were producin’… But I nah likes ta complain, an’ struggled on wi’ me hard work, singin’ songs an’ stuff.

All were relatively normal, until I performed at a storytellin’ to an audience o’ dragons, elves an’ faefolk. Well… suddenly, half way through me song, folk started shoutin’ an’ jumpin’, like they was sat on nettles or somethin’. ‘Ow rude, thought I, interruptin’ me song like that. Completely put me off where I was in me tale. I carried on, regardless, professional as I am, an’ then me audience ‘ad the cheek ta start pointin’ at me an’ sayin’ me lute was hurtin’ ‘em. Well, I ne’er heard anythin’ like it… me poor ol’ lute, who’s been me friend fer donkey’s years, bein’ accused o’… witchcraft or summert? Pfft… it be jus’ a lute. But, worse than that, were the fact that the dragons ‘ad gotten riled, havin’ been hurt by what they assumed were me lute, an’ they started threatin’ me. Well, I was a little drunk… so I stood there an’ huffed, an’ called everybody daft. EVERYBODY, mind… An’ guess what? The dragons took it right personally. They weren’t so ‘appy about all the wind from me gut, neither, but that weren’t my fault. * rolls eyes * So I’s in a spot o’ trouble now wi’ them, but that be another story.

Anyway, the whole affair left me more than a little perturbed … but stranger than that, were the fact I kept driftin’ off into these daydreams an’ findin’ meself in unusual places, feelin’ all ‘appily giddy an’ tingly… a fact I kept ignorin’, until I found meself in the ‘aunted woods makin’… well… daisy chains. That nah be normal for me, yer knows. But things got worse than that even… yer remember how the folks at the storytellin’ were all getting’ hurt an’ blamin’ it on me lute? Well after a while, I could nah come up wi’ anymore excuses. I ‘ad to accept the fact that, apparently, I was afflicted wi’ magicks… an’ furthermore, magicks I ‘ad nah control over. I was firin’ them off all over the place, every time I played me lute… every time I got angry… every time I farted… * coughs *

Needless ta say, I were in a sorry state... but I's due down the tavern, so I'll finish this tale another time...

Wednesday 2 June 2010

A sea voyage...

Be a lot ta tell since spring broke one o’ the coldest winters I’s ever known. I’ll start at the beginnin’, I s’pose, then see if I can be bothered tellin’ the rest sometime. An eventful time, nowt but trouble since Miss Justine’s twins were born… meant ta be some symbols o’ the land’s fertility or some such (them druids don’t ‘alf do some strange things). Yer can wager everybody flocked ta see the new babes… an’ o’ course the lightest o’ feet belonged to the darkest o’ souls. Was nah a month afore them babes were taken – kidnapped – an’ suspicions loomed until an almighty battle raged across the land against these mercenary folk who ‘eld the twins.

Meanwhile, yer old friend Swith ‘ere was getting’… well… more than a little nervous about impendin’ war, an’ on the mornin’ o’ battle, I pulled a little raft I been workin’ on from under the wharf where I’d been hidin’ it and sailed off before first light. Me plan were quite simple… find a passin’ trade boat or somethin’, talk me way on, an’ ‘ead south ta spend a few days on a beach wi’ some rum. Give it a week or so, then ‘ead back to Erebos ta see ‘ow things looked.

Well, all were goin’ exactly ta plan… were the same afternoon when I were caught up by a small boat, an’ before it got close, I pretended ta fall over in a faint like some damsel in distress, an’ then cooked up some story about bein’ a lord’s minstrel who’d been stolen an’ abandoned by pirates. So they took me on board an’ give me some ‘ard-tack an’ grog, build up me strength a bit, an’ I were all thankful o’ course. I were jus’ settlin’ in an’ getting’ ta know the lads over a couple o’ sea shanties an’ whatnot, when a mighty storm came sudden out o’ nowhere, pushin’ back toward the north an’ near breakin’ the little boat in two.

Them superstitious scurvy sea-dogs… they blamed it on me! Said I were cursed ta bring down boats wi’ bad weather, put me in a barrel an’ shoved me overboard ta fend fer meself. Well… as yer can imagine, I thought me days were numbered. So tossed an’ battered were I by the storm, I thought I would die right there, in the middle o’ the sea, wi’ nowt but fishes an’ strange things. I don’ know how long I were driftin’… a day, maybe more… but jus’ as I feared ne’er seein’ land again, I raised me ‘ead an’ saw a mountain loomin’ before me. Oh, what ironic sight…. I were headin’ back to Erebos…