The Smell o' Stew

♫I’ll tell yer all a tale o’ folk

I ‘eard some time ago…♫

♫The kind o’ tale tha’s like a joke,

Wi’ a lesson in the flow…♫

♫A-wand’rin’ through a town was I,

Wi’ nah a penny earned,♫

♫When smells o’ dinner wafted by,

An’ I stopped an’ sniffed an’ turned..♫

♫T’was comin’ from a tavern ‘ouse.

The smell were beckonin’ me…♫

♫So I crept in, quiet as a mouse

(Wi’ a rumblin’ stomach) can be…♫

♫As it were early in the day,

There were nah people yet.♫

♫So round the back I made me way,

Ta see what I could get…♫

♫An’ there before me very eyes,

The source o’ nose-delight…♫

♫A great big bubblin’ pot I spies –

Oh, what a welcome sight…♫

♫I limped across to where it stood

(I only ‘ad one shoe).♫

♫ The bubb’lin’ pot hissed: ‘I tastes good…

Yer knows what yer must do…’♫

♫ (Aye, true – so ‘ungry was I then,

I thought the pot, she spoke…♫

♫In truth, I were near faintin’ down,

Me ‘unger were nah joke…)♫

♫I finds a rag an’ lifts the lid,

An’ peers inside the pot.♫

♫The cook ‘ad sure ‘imself outdid:

A beef stew wi’ shallot.♫

♫I stopped an’ savoured ev’ry whiff,

I shut me eyes an’ smiled,♫

♫But at a sound, I straightened stiff –

The cook stood, looking riled…♫

♫From the door ‘e came at me,

I dropped the lid wi’ a clatter,♫

♫‘E grabbed me wrist most cruelly,

‘is fist prepared ta batter.♫

♫ ‘You’ll pay fer tha’ yer dirty scrag!’

‘E shouts, wi’ reddened hue.♫

♫ I protested: ‘I did nah take!

I only smelt the stew!♫

♫ ‘It matters not, I will still charge

Jus’ fer the smell of it…’♫

♫I paused – then took me chance to barge

An’ squirm from out ‘is grip.♫

♫I ran fer’t door an’ open air -

‘E chased me wi’ a cleaver.♫

♫Built like a castle gate ‘e were.

(No doubt wi’ a tiny lever..)♫

♫An’ as me little legs ran fast,

I ran straight into a priest,♫

♫Who ‘appened ta be strollin’ past.

I glanced back at the beast…♫

♫Then pleaded to the holy man,

‘Please sir… I’s bein’ chased…♫

♫This cook wants pennies for a stew

I smelt but did nah taste!’♫

♫By this time cook ‘ad caught us up,

All red an’ sweaty an’ wheezin’.♫

♫ ‘Is cleaver raised ready ta chop -

Me legs nah moved fer freezin’.♫

♫The priest ‘e sudden raised a hand,

An’ stopped ‘im on the swing.♫

♫ ‘E asked: ‘Am I to understand,

Yer chargin’ this young thing,♫

♫ For merely a faint whiff o’ stew?

The cook ‘e nods ‘is ‘ead.♫

♫The priest, ‘e frowned between us two,

But then ‘e shrugged an’ said:♫

♫ ‘No matter then, yer’ll get yer pay.

I’ll see to it meself.’♫

‘E took a purse o’ leather grey,

Not laden wi’ much wealth.♫

♫The cook ‘e grinned, that slimy leech,

As th’ kindly priest complied.♫

♫ But ‘e dangled that purse out o’ reach

An’ rattled the coins inside.♫

♫The priest ‘e said: ‘Be satisfied,

If she did scent purloin.♫

♫For the smell o’ stew I do provide

The sound o’ jinglin’ coin.♫

♫ The cook, well, ‘e ‘ad nah reply -

‘E’d made ‘im feel a sinner.♫

♫ I grinned an’ thanked th’ kindly priest,

An’ went ‘round ‘is fer dinner.♫